hehehe kevin! my ex was a blonde.. and she'd beat the hell out of me, smartness-wise

 

Blonde Police Officer


A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over.

The police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde. She asked for the blonde's driver's license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?'

Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

no offense to blondes

anyways, time for a smart blonde joke

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!."
Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Lmao Kevin !

---

lol
nice comic

be careful for what you wish for...

A 60-year-old couple are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.During the celebrations a fairy appears and
says that,since they have been such a loving couple,she'll give them each one wish.The wife wishes to travel the world.The fairy waves her wand and poof!She has a handful of tickets.Next,it's the husband's turn.He pauses for a moment,then says,"I'd like to have a woman 30years younger than me."So the fairy picks up her wand and poof!He's 90

Since we're in the theme of anniversary and birthdays here's a lil something:

--

The Reason Why I Fired My Secretary

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling
too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife
would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday,”
and would probably have a present for me.

She didn't even say “Good Morning,” let alone any “Happy Birthday.”
I thought, “Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember.”

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said,
“Good morning boss, Happy Birthday.”
So I felt a little better; someone had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and said,
“You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday,
let's go to lunch, just you and me.” I said, “By George,
that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go.”

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go;
we went out into the country to a little private place.
We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said,
“You know, it's such a beautiful day.
We don't need to go back to the office, do we?”
I said, “No, I guess not.” She said, “Let's go to my apartment.”
After arriving at her apartment she said, “Boss, if you don't mind,
I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.”

“Sure,” I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and,
in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake,
followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends.

All were singing “Happy Birthday” and there on the couch I sat... naked.

And that is why I fired my secretary!

Nice jokes! Thank you!

Guy1731

not so funny, but...

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She replied, ...




"No peer pressure."

Well after reading throu the hole section ... i did not see this one so here it goes.

One day the 16 years ald son comes back from school very upset. The dad sees him and asks " What's the matter son?".
"Well dad I'm very upset they make as learn a lot of unusefull stuff at school that i don't think I will need in my life". "Well ... the dad reply... wath if one day u walk with your girl and she asks: What is the height of Mount. Kilimanjaro? ". "Well that's easy i just run of to the nearest internet cafe and look it up on google then i come back and tell her", " Yeah ...but by that time she will not be there anymore", "How come?" asks the son, "Because another smart a** with a PPC already told her that Mount. Kilimanjaro has 5,895 metres"

and another one :

- Daddy, daddy can I have the new PPC model with incorporated GPS, wireless, bluetouth, a 4G card, 3G, tri band, high resolution, 600Mhz procesor and 256 RAM????
- OHHH son .... why can't you just do drugs like the other kids....

don't know if I posted this or someone else did already,
but since the topic is on teenagers....
A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to
see the bed was nicely made and
everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up
prominently on the centre of the pillow. It
was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope
and read the letter with trembling
hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm
leaving home . I had to elope with my new
boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Randy
and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too
- even with all his piercing,
tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm
pregnant and Randy said that he wants
me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though
Randy is much older than me
(anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really
these things shouldn't stand in the
way of our relationship , don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood for!
the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know
he'll be faithful to me in his own
way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of
my dreams too. Randy taught me that
marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and
we'll trade it with our friends
for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray
that science will find a cure for
AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".

Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I
just wanted to remind you that
there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk
centre drawer. Please sign it and
call when it is safe for me to come home.I love U

there once was a guy called paul
who found a red ring around his tool
he went to the clinic
and Dr Asentic
said that is lipstick you fool

A man goes into a brain shop. He sees that Albert Einsteins brain is $10dollars, then he sees a blondes brain for $100,000,000 dollars. The main asks the guy at the cash register why the blonde's brain is more expensive than Albert Einstein's brain. The guy at the cash register says the blonde's brain is more expensive because it has never been used.

Kevin, I just red the father and daughter joke! maaan it was soo scary, I mean imagine if it was real lol
anyways really nice one, keep it up

how do you know that it is not real?
...

lol

anyways, as some people know, the elections are coming up, and when there are elections, there are rude jokes...

A Japanese doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor replied, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks."
A British doctor sniffed haughtily, "In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, and no heart, put her in the White House, and then half the country will be out looking for work.’